Crapology is a highly complex science that deals with the relationship of life to crapiness and/or suckiness. I'm not even going to begin to try and explain the details to a layman such as yourself, so please be aware that this popularization of crapology is accurate and applicable to your life.
Crapology and its theories can be summed up as the following: life sucks. It does, and if it doesn't, it will. I'm with the group of crapologists who believe it should move from being a theory to a law, but there are a bunch of secular humanists who keep messing with the data to prevent that from happening. They keep popping up out of nowhere and declaring that life may suck now, but we have the power to turn the world into an everlasting utopia. This contradicts all reliable data we currently have on crappiness. Happiness, as it turns out, is indirectly proportional to the influential degree of men trying to destroy crappiness by their own hand.
But I digress, let me give an example of how crappiness works in the real world. Earlier tonight I was eating in a restaurant with my grandfather who has lost his mind. It's still there on some levels, but he has to be treated and talked to like a three year old. That sucks! When I'm with my grandparents and I see how much he clings to his wife for comfort and care all I can think about is, "man, I hope he dies before she does." That, my friends (and enemies), is just crap. Having any hopes about a member of your family dying can only be true in a world that sucks.
This isn't to say life is as sucky as it could be. Life can be pretty good at times. I remember a couple months ago when I was driving down my street and a squirrel ran out in front of my car and decided to play a game of chicken. "My, isn't that little guy cute," I thought as I slowed down feeling a small sense of happiness swell up within me. And then, just as all of life's crappiness was slowly losing power by the growing happiness within me--BAM--this giant hawk comes out of nowhere and grabs the squirrel to take him home for dinner. That sucks!
In crapological thinking there is the second law of crappiness which states that all usable happiness is slowly being overcome by crappiness. There will come a time when happiness has been replaced by a complete and utter crappiness that leaves no hope for any happiness at all. Look at your life: it might totally suck right now, it could just be alright, or it could totally rock. The problem is that there is always the potential for it to be smashed to bits and be replaced with maximum crappiness.
In fact, it's guaranteed.
Some time in the future you are going to die and dying is relatively high on the crappiness chart. It's only topped by things such as finding out Wendy's turned off their Frosty machine an hour before you got there. And so you're destined to die one day and possibly without one last Frosty. That totally sucks. Sure, you might be able to leave behind a small legacy either in name or your children's DNA, but all that too is forecast to die in the massive heat death of the universe. Let's face it--all of this sucks.
I should also mention that you suck as well. This is the problem with the secular humanists and their plans to save the world from crappiness by their own hand. Not only are we the victims of crappiness, but we are the source of it as well. Think of a vice you have that you just can't seem to get rid of. You know you shouldn't continue visiting it, but for whatever reason you can't walk away and do the right thing. Perhaps you conquer for a little while, but it's always back to haunt you a few days later. Plain and simple--it's because you suck.
So what's the solution? Well, that's for you to figure out. I've already found it, but I just want to leave you with another law of crapology to guide your search for happiness. Anything that contains crappiness cannot produce something of lasting happiness.
In order to combat your crappiness and decrease the levels of sucking you need something greater than both yourself and crappiness. Turning to a world that sucks for the answer is helpless. If you build yourself a house full of fast-food ball pits of fun it will eventually become overcome with crappiness. You can't fight the greater force of immanent crappiness by adding more ball pits of fun. Crappiness will merely grow exponentially until it overcomes your building spree.
The remedy to the crapological malady must come from a source that is Pure Awesomeness. It must have no potential to suck in any way shape or form. It must be something greater than yourself and satisfy all your longings for happiness in infinite and unbounded form. Love, for example, can bring happiness as love is not of this world. Love is perfect (unlike ball pits of fun) and so your source of perpetual happiness must be one of infinite and perfect love (among many other things). Otherwise, you'll find that crappiness will creep into your life once again, and usually in a more advanced stage.
In any event, I hope you have enjoyed this brief and highly simplified explanation of crapology and its effects on all of mankind. Life can be pretty good, but life can, and will, completely and utterly suck (it's mathematically certain), but there might just be hope if that theorized source of Pure Awesomeness does exist. In fact, it's been shown that if it does exist, and you ask it into your life it can have some surprising results on the potential for crappiness to take over your life. Not only will you be able to find happiness in the ball pits of fun that you never saw before but you'll find that all measurable forms of crappiness will slowly remove themselves from your life. Those sucky things you couldn't stop doing before will no longer have control over your life.
Awesomeness, not crappiness, will fuel your new life. It shall suck no more.
Crapology and its theories can be summed up as the following: life sucks. It does, and if it doesn't, it will. I'm with the group of crapologists who believe it should move from being a theory to a law, but there are a bunch of secular humanists who keep messing with the data to prevent that from happening. They keep popping up out of nowhere and declaring that life may suck now, but we have the power to turn the world into an everlasting utopia. This contradicts all reliable data we currently have on crappiness. Happiness, as it turns out, is indirectly proportional to the influential degree of men trying to destroy crappiness by their own hand.
But I digress, let me give an example of how crappiness works in the real world. Earlier tonight I was eating in a restaurant with my grandfather who has lost his mind. It's still there on some levels, but he has to be treated and talked to like a three year old. That sucks! When I'm with my grandparents and I see how much he clings to his wife for comfort and care all I can think about is, "man, I hope he dies before she does." That, my friends (and enemies), is just crap. Having any hopes about a member of your family dying can only be true in a world that sucks.
This isn't to say life is as sucky as it could be. Life can be pretty good at times. I remember a couple months ago when I was driving down my street and a squirrel ran out in front of my car and decided to play a game of chicken. "My, isn't that little guy cute," I thought as I slowed down feeling a small sense of happiness swell up within me. And then, just as all of life's crappiness was slowly losing power by the growing happiness within me--BAM--this giant hawk comes out of nowhere and grabs the squirrel to take him home for dinner. That sucks!
In crapological thinking there is the second law of crappiness which states that all usable happiness is slowly being overcome by crappiness. There will come a time when happiness has been replaced by a complete and utter crappiness that leaves no hope for any happiness at all. Look at your life: it might totally suck right now, it could just be alright, or it could totally rock. The problem is that there is always the potential for it to be smashed to bits and be replaced with maximum crappiness.
In fact, it's guaranteed.
Some time in the future you are going to die and dying is relatively high on the crappiness chart. It's only topped by things such as finding out Wendy's turned off their Frosty machine an hour before you got there. And so you're destined to die one day and possibly without one last Frosty. That totally sucks. Sure, you might be able to leave behind a small legacy either in name or your children's DNA, but all that too is forecast to die in the massive heat death of the universe. Let's face it--all of this sucks.
I should also mention that you suck as well. This is the problem with the secular humanists and their plans to save the world from crappiness by their own hand. Not only are we the victims of crappiness, but we are the source of it as well. Think of a vice you have that you just can't seem to get rid of. You know you shouldn't continue visiting it, but for whatever reason you can't walk away and do the right thing. Perhaps you conquer for a little while, but it's always back to haunt you a few days later. Plain and simple--it's because you suck.
So what's the solution? Well, that's for you to figure out. I've already found it, but I just want to leave you with another law of crapology to guide your search for happiness. Anything that contains crappiness cannot produce something of lasting happiness.
In order to combat your crappiness and decrease the levels of sucking you need something greater than both yourself and crappiness. Turning to a world that sucks for the answer is helpless. If you build yourself a house full of fast-food ball pits of fun it will eventually become overcome with crappiness. You can't fight the greater force of immanent crappiness by adding more ball pits of fun. Crappiness will merely grow exponentially until it overcomes your building spree.
The remedy to the crapological malady must come from a source that is Pure Awesomeness. It must have no potential to suck in any way shape or form. It must be something greater than yourself and satisfy all your longings for happiness in infinite and unbounded form. Love, for example, can bring happiness as love is not of this world. Love is perfect (unlike ball pits of fun) and so your source of perpetual happiness must be one of infinite and perfect love (among many other things). Otherwise, you'll find that crappiness will creep into your life once again, and usually in a more advanced stage.
In any event, I hope you have enjoyed this brief and highly simplified explanation of crapology and its effects on all of mankind. Life can be pretty good, but life can, and will, completely and utterly suck (it's mathematically certain), but there might just be hope if that theorized source of Pure Awesomeness does exist. In fact, it's been shown that if it does exist, and you ask it into your life it can have some surprising results on the potential for crappiness to take over your life. Not only will you be able to find happiness in the ball pits of fun that you never saw before but you'll find that all measurable forms of crappiness will slowly remove themselves from your life. Those sucky things you couldn't stop doing before will no longer have control over your life.
Awesomeness, not crappiness, will fuel your new life. It shall suck no more.
No comments:
Post a Comment